Do middle kids have all the fun?

My sister tells me the best days of parenthood are ahead of me, because “the second child is the always most fun.”

I should point out that Lily is the second-born in our family.

I’ve read a lot over the years about birth order and its impact on personality. Here’s an extremely brief synopsis of common birth order stereotypes:

Oldest: Ambitious, responsible, disciplined. Famous oldest children include Oprah, Winston Churchill and Bill Clinton.

Middle: Diplomatic, easy-going, agreeable. Famous middle children include David Letterman, Princess Diana and Madonna.

Youngest: Outgoing, social, humorous. Famous youngest children include Jim Carrey, Steve Martin and Rosie O’Donnell.

Only children share traits with oldest children. Famous only children include Tiger Woods, Maria Sharapova and Alan Greenspan.

But the simple order of when you were born into your family isn’t the end of the story. Gender and spacing matter, too.

Lily and I are 22 months apart, and having two children of the same gender close together can blur the birth order lines. (My mom likes to say she has two oldest children.) Also, there’s a five-year span between my third sister and Andrew, the youngest. In a lot of ways, he’s more like an only child than the youngest.

If you’ll allow me a small moment of indulgence, he just graduated from high school at the top of his class and in the top 4 percent of all Nebraska seniors. He’s going to UNL on a full-ride scholarship to study biology. We’re maybe just a little proud of him.

As the first of four, I identify easily with the oldest child role. I want to do everything “right” and there’s nothing worse to me than disappointing someone. At the same time, I think I’m a little more flexible than the typical first-born stereotype would suggest.

That’s why it’s important not to read into birth order as if it’s set in stone. It’s a theory, not a horoscope. A lot of it, I think, has to do with how parents raise each child.

As I read through online articles on birth order, some of them geared specifically toward parents offer tips on how to nurture each child according to their place in the family, such as: Encourage first-borns and let them know perfection isn’t necessary for love. Listen to middle children and spend one-on-one time with them so they won’t feel lost. Emphasize the importance of what youngest children do and let them know they are unique.

So are second-born children more fun? I’m guessing that has as much merit as the expression “blondes have all the fun.”

What I do know, birth order notwithstanding, is that unlike energy levels, there will be plenty of love to go around for both my children.

On the Lighter Side

Published May 16, 2012