Is it OK to be comfortable?
Growing up in an evangelical Christian home, I learned to equate comfort — particularly spiritual comfort —with complacency and stagnation.
Which was OK, because during high school, college and early married life, I wasn't ever comfortable with life. It was happy (or at least something resembling happy), but there was always so much turbulence I couldn't settle down.
Dealing with existential questions was, quite frankly, the least of my concerns.
But now. Oh now. Things are different.
I'm — brace yourself — comfortable.
And I'm not sure if that's OK.
•••
Because I know how fleeting life is, I want to be reconciled with happiness. I know it's short-lived and I should appreciate it while it's here. But I can't shake the feeling I don't deserve it.
(Which, theologically speaking, I don't. God's grace is sufficient for me, and I trust in Him to forgive my sins.)
After moving four times in a year, changing jobs twice and meeting endless new faces, I'm ready settle down. But while I'm happy with my life right now, I wonder: Is this all there is? Will I ever advance in my career, in my education, in my life? Or is this as good as it gets?
I like the comfort now. But what if it's not enough in a couple of years? Where do I go from there?
