4:30 a.m. moments

As I changed E's diaper this morning, she looked up at me with this sweet little intelligent grin and asked (I'm serious) "What is it?" Even her eyes had a question in them. 

When, when, did this happen? When did my baby grow up and start talking (OK, I know she's not actually talking but is instead imitating sounds)? She started walking in August and now there's no stopping her — her two little feet can take her wherever she wants to go.

I love watching her grow up every day, I really do. There's nothing better than to see her "get" something — learning that if you drop something, it falls (physics), if you pound on the piano, it makes a sound (music), if you concentrate on the squiggly marks in a book, they mean something (reading). 

E has never been much of a cuddler, even from the very first days. There's usually too much to see and do for her to settle down for long — except when she's tired. Then, Mom makes a perfectly acceptable alternative to her crib. 

This morning at 4:30 a.m. I woke up to her cries. The funny thing is, I was already kind of restless and half-awake ... maybe I sensed she needed comfort. I walked into her room and picked up her thrashing body and cuddled her close to my chest. I settled us both on the couch and she wrapped her fingers around my hand. We dozed that way for awhile until she fell back asleep. I placed her back in her crib, smoothed back her soft hair and padded back to my bed. 

Those are the moments that make everything else — the diapers, the teething, the snot — worthwhile. Those are the moments where I'm reminded I will always be a mother, no matter how how grown up my baby becomes.

I might have a problem ...

I love to read. There's nothing better than a cozy autumn morning, snuggled up in a blanket, hot cup of coffee beside me, knowing I have a few minutes before my daughter and husband wake up to read a couple of chapters.

But ... books are expensive and I don't have all that much time to read, which makes checking out books from the library difficult. 

Fortunately, I've found an excellent solution: Thrifting books. At Goodwill or other second-hand stores, you can usually pick up a paperback for $1 and a hardcover book for $2.

For instance, this bounty of the written word cost $23:

Yes. For the retail price of one hard-cover novel, I got 17 books. (FYI: This wasn't all from the same place. But I have noticed that at nearly every store I've visited, there has been at least one copy of "The Nanny Diaries." Weird.)

The only problem now: Where to put them all.

Only the beginning

Now that my 26^th year of life has started, I’m tempted to sit back and take pride in the things I’ve accomplished in my years.

But I won’t.

How can I take credit for things that were gifts? God has given me talents, blessings and wonderful people to guide me — it’s thanks to these things and to His grace that I am who I am today.  

As I celebrate another birthday, I’m thankful for the years I have lived. I’m learning from past mistakes and I’m thankful for the perspective they bring. I’m not a perfect person and I never will be. But more and more each year, I’m learning to regard each person as a treasured child of God.

It changes everything.

•••

My daughter will celebrate her first birthday in a little under a month. Each day, she’s reminding me that up to now, parenting has been easy. Now that she’s mobile, she has the ability to act outside my wishes. The hard part is just beginning …

And as she grows up, it will be the Captain’s and my responsibility to shape her into a responsible, independent and thoughtful person.

No small order, that.

•••

We never really finish growing up. We learn more about ourselves every year. For instance, I never thought I’d love being a mother. I was so very wrong.

So that’s why, on the 26^th anniversary of my birth, I’m not resting on my laurels.

This is only the beginning. 

There was a little girl, who had a little curl ...

Last week, I shampooed my hair for the last time and it's because of this book:

I've had a love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with my curly hair ever since my mom had to chase me through the house, comb and "No-More-Tears" detangling spray in hand. Like a lot of other curly girls, all I wanted was straight, manageable, shiny hair. Instead, I had a literal mop of tight curls that defied taming:

Curls everywhere!

I had my share of awful haircuts over the years:

The Mullet

The Bubble

The Triangle

The Barely-There

My mom tried her best to make me see what a gift my curls were. Unfortunately, I didn't listen and dismissed her preference for "fluffy" hair as a mere maternal whim. I bought a flat iron in high school and learned how to blow out my hair. 

From high school ...

... to college — straight hair seemed worth the effort.

I picked up "Curly Girls" at a garage sale this May but didn't read it until I had scheduled a haircut last week. (I'm really bad about this. Last year I had my hair cut once — once! — and I wondered why it was so unmanageable. Duh.) The author, a salon owner in New York, tells curly girls to work with their hair, not against it. 

(This is pretty much what my mom told me 15 years ago.)

According to the book, I have what are called "Botticelli curls" — not as tight as corkscrew curls but more defined than wavy hair. For all types of curly hair, Lauren Massey suggests water and conditioner only, no shampoo, and air-drying your curls after shaping them while they're wet. 

I've kept up this regimen for a few days now and I've never been so consistently pleased with how my hair looks. My curls are defined and sturdy, yet still flexible and frizz-resistant. 

Caring for my curls this way doesn't seem to save more time, but it doesn't take longer than what I used to do. (Before, I was washing my hair about twice a week.) But it's worth it to treat my curls the way they deserve — finally allowing them the freedom to be in their natural shape. 

Curls the way they're meant to be — I knew it on the first day of kindergarten and I know it again now.

"Chaucer, Rabeleis, BALZAC!"

 “Our greatest fears lie in anticipation.”  - Honore de Balzac

I feel poised at the brink of … something. What that something is, I don’t know, but I can’t shake the feeling that everything is about to change.

I’ve written much about change — how I don’t like it, how I’m learning to accept it, how it’s simply part of life — and yet in the face of the unknown, all my brave and pithy words seem hollow.

Despite the roots I’ve been carefully nurturing for the past four years, I know everything is transitory. It’s the nature of ministry; it’s the nature of the life the Captain and I lead.

And unfortunately, uncertainty is part and parcel of this life, too. Every year we wait with bated breath and hands clasped in prayer to see if we’ll be able to continue where we are. It’s hard to acknowledge that your future, seemingly so stable, can be changed in the course of a meeting.  

But what I’m learning from all this is to trust God more completely. I believe He has a plan for us; He has provided for us in the past and I know He will continue to do so in the future.

For those of you who know our situation, I don’t mean to be intentionally vague. It’s not intended to be a veiled announcement of any sort. It’s just, well, sometimes there’s a lot that goes on behind a smile. 

(PS — Kudos to you if you know which Broadway musical I'm referencing in the title.)

Infinity for less, part 2

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted about making infinity scarves? 

Over Labor Day weekend, my mom, sister and I got busy and made a few — 

and they turned out great!

Here's the pattern we *loosely* followed:

http://www.simplicity.com/t-how-to-sew-infinity-scarf.aspx

(We made our scarves narrower than the pattern suggests; we thought it was more flattering.)

Each scarf took about a half yard of fabric, and since I purchased it on a 50% off sale, each one ended up being around $2.00. Quite an improvement over $20!

This scarf didn't quite make it to infinity so I made it extra-long instead. It looks good ... as long as you don't look too closely at the seams!

I cut and pinned the fabric, then sewed the long seam. Mom did the enclosures since she actually can sew. We completed 10 scarves in about 4 hours.

Bigwheels 2 Butterflies

I recently did some freelance copywriting for a friend and decided to use some of the money to enhance my daughter's fall and winter wardrobe. She had an abundance of 0-9 month clothes, but as she grows, her selections get more limited. 


So a friend and I made the trip to Bigwheels 2 Butterflies, a second-hand children's clothing store in the metro area. It was completely worth the drive. Everything pictured, plus two toys I couldn't pry away from her for the photo, was $50. 


In total, I purchased:
• Two pairs of pants
• A Thanksgiving outfit
• A birthday shirt 
• Four hairbows
• A pair of snow boots
• Two pairs of shoes
• A "suit" 
• A dress for church 
• A Christmas dress (last year I had an awful time finding one for her, so I'm thrilled to be ahead of the game!)
• A music cube and
• A turtle rolling toy


http://www.bigwheels2butterflys.com/